Times flies
I have came back to Hong Kong almost 3 years now, and it’s about time to leave again. They said a chapter don’t end a new book won’t start, so I did I moved to a new country.
Before moving to the Netherlands I have planned a small trip with my mom, haven’t got a mother daughter trip for a while. And it’s how I realized she is getting older, something I don’t know how to face it, the fact that my mother is getting older and weaker.
* not wiser* the wine didn’t age good with time ;)
Recently, I have watched a Korea Drama called “Under The Queen’s Umbrella” the story is about a mother will do everything to protect her own child. It brings up a memory - when I was about eight years old I was very sick unconsciously lying in my bed. My mom carried me down 3 floors and took me to the doctor, I was at least 30kg. I was unconscious but I could feel the urge of my mother who desperately wanted to take her child to the hospital. Someone said a mother can lift up a car to recuse her child, I believe the bond between the mother and her child is much stronger than the father and his child. - A disclaimer I do have daddy issues.
Every time if I see a village dog when I walk home, I will call my mom to recuse me. I don’t hate dog or scare of dog, but village dogs they are not just dog. I have been traced by village dogs and my neighbors got bitten by a village dog end up she has to visit the hospital and got stitch up. So whenever I see a village dog wandering in my village, I will be too scared to walk home. I will call my mom to come and walk me home, and every time my mom will jog to me (she is too old to run) and never complaint her daughter as a coward.
I looked at my mom during this trip, my strong steady umbrella suddenly turned into a fragile umbrella. She couldn’t walk for long hours, she could’t read symbols for direction, she barely could talk in English, she got sick easily, she could not chew food properly cause all her tooth have decayed. And I was complaining every single day, why she could’t be stronger, why she could’t be smarter, why she need my help to just finish a simple task. I never thought this umbrella will collapse one day, I want to forever stay under this umbrella and be a wilfulness, obnoxious princess. But she never complaint about me …… even thought I am rude, selfish and careless. she still jog to recuse me when there is a village dog at 1am, and I never say thank you - I took it as certain.
I looked at her body this tiny body has no muscle, no meat, she is slowly melting. I turned my head I don’t want to open my eyes, this tiny umbrella may disappear some day. I can always imagine I would die one day, but I never have imagined hers.
I can’t write anymore I am drenched in my tears and regrets, I will sign her up for some yoga class to keep my umbrella strong, cause princess doesn’t like to be wet ;)
